The Investment Bank

Next on The I.B.

An analyst makes an inappropriate move during an interview
Analyst: So do you have any questions for me?
Recruit: Sure, can you describe your typical day at The Investment Bank?
Analyst: Sure. Why don't we discuss it over dinner? Say 8pm?

An associate discovers that he's very familar with the bankers on the other side
[on a call to TargetCo]
TargetCo: Why don't you call our bankers? We're represented by America's Bank.
Associate: Sure. Who should I contact?
TargetCo: I think the Associate is Amy Flowers.
[silence]
TargetCo: Do you know her?
Associate: I used to go out with her...

An analyst decides to take a shortcut in a model
Analyst1: It's so fucking late. I can't figure out this part of the model.
Analyst2: Just hardcode that shit. No one will ever know.
Analyst1: Maybe you're right..
[two days later]
Analyst1: Shit.
Associate: What?
Analyst: Remember that bid we submitted for Widget Co. for $10 a share?
Associate: Yeah...
Analyst: There was a mistake model. It was actually worth $5 a share....

A family struggles
Child: Dad, can you come to my baseball game?
VP: Can't. I have a client meeting.
Child: Again? You're never there when I need you! I hate you!
VP: Don't you understand? I'm doing this for you? I'm doing this so you can have what I never had!
Child: But that's not what I want!
VP: What do you want!?!?
Child: A dad.

An MD confronts his former firm in a deal
MD1: You have progressed far since your days here at Winthrop Prescott.
MD2: When I left you, I was but the learner. Now I am the Master (of the Universe).
MD: Only a master of evil.

Investment bank here we come, right back where we started from
Investment baaaaaaaaank, here we cooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeee
Investment bank, Investment bank, here we coooooommmmmmmeeeeee

Hours spent at work: 12
People interviewed today: 1
Ratings are: Going down