Happy Singles Awareness Day!

Screw being positive. I tried it for about 3 days and look where it got me? I think I have whooping cough, or at least some strong form of cough, and the past couple of days have reminded me why I hate banking. There are many things to hate about banking, but the thing that drives me crazy is the attention to unimportant details. Sure, attention to detail is very important if it changes the value of your company by a couple of million bucks, but just once I would like to see a pitch lost because the spacing after a period was too much or because pretax wasn't hyphenated everywhere.

I can just see it now:
CFO: "Well, we think your analysis is top-notch, but your border here is just a bit off. Sorry, no deal for you"
MD: "I'm going to kill that analyst."

That's my rant about banking for the day. But what are bankers good for? Well, despite the obvious temptation to say "nothing," bankers are good at selling things. In fact, I think it would be a good idea for me to hire a banker for my love life. Because of my job and my general social ineptness, my one date in the past year has been with a girl whom I met on the Internet and who now refuses to reply to my emails because of my steadfast refusal to take a hint. Hiring a banker would make things a lot easier. He/she would qualify potential targets, initiate approach calls, and of course, write up my information memorandum with my investment highlights and challenges.

Here's how I would imagine the approach calls would work:
[Banker calls girl]
Girl: Hello?
Banker: Hi, this is Joe calling from Winthrop Prescott, a Division of Joe& Co, Inc.
Girl: Um, ok.
Banker: I'm calling to see if you might be interested a date with a client of mine. He's Asian, in his mid-twenties, with TTM EBITDA of $90k.
Girl: Do I know him?
Banker: I can't reveal the name on a pre-NDA basis.
Girl: pre-what?
Banker: Suffice it to say, it's a highly unique opportunity. We thought you might be interested because you're an extremely qualified date (e.g. you're cute and not crazy), and your prior transaction history has shown an affinity for nerds.
Girl: Errr...
Banker: Ok. Why don't I send you an executive summary with some investment highlights and I'll call back in a week to touch base?
Girl: Ummm... sure
[click]

Then assuming the girl has interest, a date would be set-up. My banker, would of course, accompany me to field any of the tough questions:

Girl: Hey. Nice to meet you. How are you?
Me: Umm..... [turns to banker]
Banker: He's fine.

My banker would also assist in conducting due diligence:
Banker: Are you really a 36D?
Girls: Yes!
Banker: I'll have to check for myself. Can you take off your shirt?

Hmm... maybe I don't need a banker to help with due diligence. Anyway happy singles awareness day, Trifon Zarezan, Valentine's Day or what have you. Somebody shoot me. Or at least give me some NyQuil.

Hours spent at work: 14
Hour spent coughing: 7