Going Public

I've been offered a third year at my job, and they've given me about a week to decide. So rather than be racked by indecision for a week, I've come up with the perfect alternative.

I've decided to go public. I'll be selling shares in myself to you, the general public. For a very reasonable amount, you can be an equity holder in one slightly-jaded, Asian-American investment banker. You guys would vote on a board of directors, appoint a CEO, COO, CFO, CTO and the like, and proceed to tell me how to live my life. In return, you will not only get a handsome dividend from my earnings, but you'll essentially own me as well.

This way, I'll no longer have to make hard decisions in my life. My management team will do it for me, and they're answerable to the board. I suppose I could be Chairman and CEO of my own corporation, but I've never been a fan of closely held corporations. I imagine I could set up a website where my stockholders could vote on the crucial decisions of my life such as:

-Should I have the soup or the questionable wrap for lunch?
-Should I tell my MD that his idea is great or that not only is he smoking crack, he's smoking the really good kind?
-Should I open conversation with the cute girl at the bar with "Hey, I'll make you dinner if you make me breakfast?" or "The 70's called. They want their hair back"?

In fact, this could be the start of a trend. Imagine being able to buy stock in actor/actresses, rock bands and the like. You would have made a killing if you longed Lindsay Lohan 3 years ago and shorted Mariah Carey.

As for valuation, well, I figure my net present value is at least $1 billion+, but I'll settle for a $1 billion. So that's only $10 million for 1% stake. A very reasonable price if I say so myself. How do a justify such a valuation? Well, from FY 2003 to FY 2004, I went from earning a little over $5000 a year to earning $80,000+. That's over 1500% revenue growth! Absolutely phenomenal by any stretch.

Possible downsides:
-Quiet period. An investment banker who can't talk about himself and not much more? Who's ever heard of such a thing?
-Hostile takeover by an unfriendly corporation
-Double taxation due to S-Corp structure

After having several banks bake-off for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I've decided to with Goldman and Morgan as my underwriters. So, who wants to buy some stock?

Hours spent at work this weekend: 6
Investment considerations: Risky