Phrases

Common investment banking phrases and their translations:

Phrase: "There's a softness to the numbers."
Really Means: "Accounting trickery."

Phrase: "I'm just calling to touch base."
Really Means: "Please respond to my emails!"

Phrase: "Please feel free to reach out to me anytime."
Really Means: "Please don't call me again."

Phrase: "Let's circle back in a hour."
Really Means: "Let's have this exact same conversation in an hour."

Phrase: "On a high level, this model says..."
Really Means: "I have no clue how the model works."

Phrase: "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Could you repeat what you just said?"
Really Means: "I on mute and mocking you. Could you repeat what you just said?"

Phrase: "I'll be out of pocket Saturday night."
Really Means: "I'll be wasted Saturday night, so please don't call."

Phrase: "I'll call you next week to close the loop."
Really Means: "I'll call you in two weeks to tell you no fucking way."

Phrase: "I'll send you a draft of the presentation by the end of the day."
Really Means: "I'll send you a draft of the presentation by 11:59pm."

Phrase: "There are plenty of opportunities for synergies in this merger."
Really Means: "This deal is so fucking dilutive, it's not even funny."

Phrase: "The Company is investing heavily in R&D and is rapidly growing."
Really Means: "The Company is unprofitable."

Phrase: "The Company is carefully managing its bottomline and has achieved record profitability."
Really Means: "The Company is not growing."

Phrase: "We're maximizing shareholder value."
Really Means: "We're making the people who own our stock filthy rich."

Phrase: "If you could update the numbers, I'd really appreciate it."
Really Means: "Update the numbers, bitch."

Phrase: "Sure, no problem."
Really Means: "@#$@#%@#$@##$@$@#"


Any others?

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